My paralegal Cat found this flowchart online recently at the Riverside County Superior Court website. It shows the decision-making structure that parties to a divorce generally follow while going through their divorce. I highly recommend looking at this to help demystify the process.
This is an interesting article from People magazine about a couple who, after their divorce, gets together for a family picture each year for the benefit of their child.
Experience tells me this couple’s relationship is pretty unusual; however, it certainly sets an example of understanding how your relationship can influence your child’s life.
Whenever I have a person come into my office, there is typically a complaint somewhere in the mix about the behavior of the other spouse. Complaints typically relate to finances, parenting, inattentiveness, substance abuse, poor judgment, and interloping significant others. My client often wants me to get an order that will “make them” be better.
While the orders create an incentive for a party to be better, or at times rearrange parenting time or financial decisions to help protect against known problems, there is very little I can do to change the behavior of the problematic party. More important, I try to help clients develop coping skills to deal with the other party’s habits.
This is especially so where the conflict between the parties relates to the raising of children. Often times, the differences boil down to a difference in approach or style. When that is the case, even a court will not typically issue orders, and the only thing a parent can do is learn to put up with the differences as best as he or she can.
In the long run, you will have a direct parenting relationship with your ex-husband or wife for however many more years it takes for your youngest child to turn 18 (and graduate from school), and you will continue to have ongoing dealings for other life events (graduations, marriages, grandchildren, etc.) forever. The better you can make your relationship with the other party after your divorce, the better this will make your life.
People say lawyers are unscrupulous in their billing. A hospital bills a couple $40 for allowing them to hold their own newborn child.
“Honestly we both laughed about it,” Ryan Grassley tells PEOPLE of paying to hold his baby
I have kids. Young ones. They exemplify the term, “This is why we can’t have nice things.” Our art is mostly made by them, or from a local housewares store.
In my career, I have run across several couples with collections of valuable fine art. Every time, the fine art collection has posed a problem in the division of property. Here are some examples of the real arguments I have heard about art and other collections:
There are two problems with any collection of valuable items, including art, while you are dividing them in a divorce:
The simple advice in this article from the Wall Street Journal is excellent, but only really works if at least one party comes to terms with the second of these two issues: the emotional attachment to the art or collection. The toughest part often is in finding an appraiser who can place a reliable value on the collection. The internet is a great resource to find appraisers for just about any collection.
When you are dividing items from the household, emotional distance is key. The more intrinsic value you place in an object, the more power you give to the other side. Find your Zen, find an appraiser, and divide your community property.
Deployed submariner loses a round in custody battle | Navy Times | navytimes.com.
I have been tracking this case since it started. The father is a submariner in the US Navy. That means one or two times a year, he will get into a submarine and disappear for months at a time. He does not see or speak to his family during that time. It is rough life. I am glad he is willing to do this job.
He has a daughter from his first wife, and he is remarried. During the divorce his first wife was convicted of assaulting the daughter. The courts gave sole legal and physical custody to the father. He moved to the Seattle area with his daughter and wife.
Last year, the ex-wife asked the court to award her custody of the daughter. The court then started making orders that appear to violate the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. One order threatened this deployed submariner and father with sanctions for his failure to appear at a hearing. Think about this: while deployed, submariners are functionally gone from planet Earth.
Even now, the family court seems to be ignoring the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. The father is still deployed on a submarine, and yet the court is entering orders modifying child custody.
I have encountered judges in my own practice who make light of the SCRA. Since then, I have seen a larger emphasis placed upon the relief the SCRA offers, but this news article is not the only case of a parent taking advantage of the deployed status of a service member. It is my hope the pending legislation aimed at preventing this kind of result in the future.
Though this article is written for people generally and needs some fine-tuning for California, it is the best I have seen in years related to pre-divorce planning.
In addition to these steps, someone wanting to prepare for or initiate a divorce in California needs to consider several other issues, including establishing the date of separation, temporary arrangements post-separation (including co-habitation agreements or arrangements where the parties continue to live in the same home, only separately) and dealing with regular expenses.
In cases where nothing is urgent, I often give clients advice to put off filing for divorce to allow them to prepare other aspects of their lives, including preparation for separate living, arranging estate plans, or other similar issues.
Review the article carefully. If you have questions about how to prepare for your divorce, call us for a free 20 minute consultation.
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